Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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