Buhtt sex?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
