you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im holly from the hills drunk
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
