So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize