I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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