She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
