look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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