All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
