I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
