i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
