I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
