I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
