Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
