If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
