Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
