I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
