So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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