You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
