he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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