You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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