Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
