Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
