No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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