Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
