trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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