Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
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you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
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I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.