Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.