This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
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That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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