This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
