Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
