He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
