You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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