Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
