mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
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Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
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Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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