I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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