yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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