There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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