i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
