Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
