I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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