You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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