What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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