You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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