R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
