i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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