i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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