Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
