how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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