Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize