I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You are a genius and a whore.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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