Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
