I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
