So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Oh god it's open bar.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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