Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
