Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i think my tv is drunk
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
