We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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