im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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