so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The air taste purple.
Randomize
