Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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