I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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