i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
