I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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