Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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