Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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