is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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