Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Green mimosas i think yes
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
