you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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