He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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